Sigrid Kaag’s Coup

How Sigrid Kaag staged (nearly) everything

Sigrid Kaag desperately wants to become the Netherlands’ first female Prime Minister – whatever the cost may be. A search for clues through an Easter egg hunt.

By Helmut Hetzel

Translated from German by Sami Jaber

The Hague, 02.04.2021

This year, the Easter bunny did not merely decorate the eggs well. He hid them with particular care, the intent being for them never to be found. In the Netherlands, the Easter bunny is a female this year.

There are actually two such Easter bunnies active in the Netherlands in 2021. Their names are S.K. and K.O.

They have also hidden the Egg of Columbus, and whoever finds it will be the new Dutch Prime Minister. As per usual, this particular egg was hidden with the intention of having no one find it.

However, seek and you shall find. So, let us seek.

Methodically, step-by-step.

Act One

Kasja Ollongren, the incumbent Interior minister and member of the left-liberal D66 party – as well as a fellow partymember to Sigrid Kaag – holds under her arm a confidential memo pertaining to the exploratory talks for the formation of a new government. The text is exhibited so obviously that a photographer can not resist photographing it and later publishing the picture. What does the memo say? “Other post for Pieter Omtzigt”. This is said to have been suggested by Mark Rutte, the incumbent Prime Minister. The message is clear: Rutte wants to sideline the Christian Democrat Pieter Omtzigt (CDA) who brought the “toeslagenaffaire” to light. As a consequence of this scandal, Rutte and his entire cabinet – “Rutte III” – submitted their resignation in January. The childcare benefits scandal was triggered by the revelation that the Dutch tax authorities unlawfully denied such benefits and other forms of social assistance to families in need – at times even demanding reimbursement when these allowances had been granted. Understandably, this drove some families to bankruptcy.

The disclosure of the Omtzigt quote by Kasja Ollongren triggered a political earthquake in the Netherlands. Prime Minister Rutte fades into the twilight, as suspicions arise that he is trying to enact revenge on Pieter Omtzigt and that he has been lying.

This is all the product of Sigrid Kaag’s calculations. To become the first female Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Kaag must first unseat Mark Rutte. To do so, she has been running a clever campaign. Both during the elections and in their aftermath, Kaag has been skilfully hiding her Easter eggs.

Act Two

When Kaag’s D66’s unexpected second place behind Rutte’s VVD became apparent, on the evening of March 17th, Sigrid Kaag was dancing on the table. The now-famous photo was taken by a photographer commissioned by D66, and circulated widely, making many headlines the next day. Bingo, this egg was found.

Act Three

Throughout social networks, agencies are hired by D66 to increase its visibility and draw in positive responses. Kaag, who has long worked abroad – notably for the UN – is relatively little-known domestically, having only returned to the Netherlands four years ago. Now, her popularity is irrefutable. Another egg found, congratulations.

Act Four

Sigrid Kaag claims to be married to the Palestinian Anis al-Qaq – a close confidante of the former PLO chief Yasser Arafat. However, to the knowledge of the Registration office in The Hague, she is officially “single”. D66 claims that the translation of their marriage certificate from Hebrew into Dutch is not yet available, despite Kaag having lived in the Netherlands continually since 2017. Kaag had four years to normalise her situation, yet remains officially registered as “single” in the Netherlands. The egg was found, but for Kaag this one smells foul.

Act Five

From October 2013 to September 2014, Sigrid Kaag was appointed as the Special Coordinator of the joint mission of the Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons and the United Nations, whose aim was to oversee the elimination of chemical weapons in Syria.

Upon presenting her final report in 2014, Kaag had to admit to the press that: “There are discrepancies about the number of chemical weapons.” By this, it was meant that the number of chemical weapons declared by Syria was not in accordance with the estimate made by the OPCW, partly due to Bashar al-Assad’s governments being responsible for specifying how many chemical weapons and raw materials for chemical weapons production it owned. It later emerged that Assad has not disclosed all chemical weapons to Kaag, the UN and the OPCW. Assad can and does continue to use chemical weapons. Sigrid Kaag failed miserably with her UN order to have Assad's chemical weapons destroyed by the specialists of the OPCW.

This egg was also found but is past its best-by date.

Act Six

As minister of Foreign trade and Development aid, Sigrid Kaag bowed before Iranian ayatollahs; wrapping herself in a body-covering abaya and veil, while Iranian women protest these attires. Critics decried a betrayal of Iranian women. This egg turned out to be a Century egg, allied with a kowtow before the Ayatollah.

Seven, no more Acts

When Sigrid Kaag became the Netherlands’ Trade minister, the Israeli government decried her ideological and financial support to Palestinians. In The Hague, it is said that in her function at the UN and in the Dutch government, Kaag had millions in development aid sent to Palestinian organisations, which Israeli sources call terrorist organisations.

Eight, beware

Kasja Ollongren claims she tested positive for COVID-19 and, in her shock, failed to properly dissimulate the memo from the public. Despite testing positive, she went on to get in her official car and endanger her driver, before testing negative mere days later and regaining her position behind the parliament’s lectern.

A knave with evil intent…

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